Superhero Powers of YOU CAN Statements

Ever struggle to get your toddler/preschooler/child to do what you want them to do?  Do you find yourself repeating yourself multiple times, asking them over and over to complete the task? Sometimes you become so frustrated that you find yourself begging, bribing with a snack or token prize, yelling, or the child ends up crying.  In the end, everyone is exhausted, and the task remains undone or you complete it yourself.

Can you get your coat on?  Will you get dressed?  Can you sit at the table to eat?  Will you pick up your toys? Do you want a treat after you eat your vegetables?

What’s a parent to do?  Enlist the powers of YOU CAN statements. 

When we ask a child “Can you (fill in the blank)” or “Will you (fill in the blank)”  or “Do you (fill in the blank)” we are giving them permission to say yes or no.  That is what your child hears- you asked them a question and they answered it. So, to be fair, when you asked them “will you get dressed?”- and the answer from them was “no”- it was their honest, truthful answer to your question.  BUT, most times, you are not intentionally asking them a yes/no question.  You want the answer (or the behavior) to be “yes, I will sit at the table” or “yes, I will pick up my toys.” 

Instead of asking a question, rephrase the request into a “YOU CAN” statement.  For example, “You can put your shirt on,” “You can sit at the table,” or “You can watch a video.  First pick up the toys; then video.”  

YOU CAN statements empower your child to believe that they can complete tasks on their own.  It bolsters their self-confidence and competence.  Using these statements are utilizing the power of suggestion.  You are guiding and shaping your child’s behavior to complete the task you want them to do, while at the same time, fostering their independence and belief in themselves.  

As a parent, it will take practice to change your own pattern of statements from a question to a statement of suggestion.  Listen to how you stated your request.  Was it presented as a question or was it presented as an empowering statement?  When your child is refusing to complete a task, pause and ask yourself how the statement was presented to them.  Was it in a question form or was it in an empowering statement?  I use these YOU CAN statements daily in my practice as an OT.  Even children with the most challenging behaviors respond positively to these simple but profound statements of YOU CAN.  It is not a superhero power that gets your child to follow your directions, instead it is the superhero power of empowerment that fosters self-confidence, competence, and ultimately joyful children. 

ProActive Pediatric Therapy is here to help.  Contact us with questions you may have about your child’s development.  We would love to see pictures of your superhero children!  Share a photo of your superhero on our Facebook page.